puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
