i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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