Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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