After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
grandma shit on top of the toilet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
