Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
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