did you get engaged???
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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