i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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