I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
