Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
