Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
