When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
