So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
