I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
