btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
