My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Sponge bath it is.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
