I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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