I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
