I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
