I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
