Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
and you fell through a lawn chair
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