he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
