Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you win again, gameday.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
