Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i now understand why vodka
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
