Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
