Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
