she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
