You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
