Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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