In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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