oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
