you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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