My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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