Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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