its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
People in love make me want to vomit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
