I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
