He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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