It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
