i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
