his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
