Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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