I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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