I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
