it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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