One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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