Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
