Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Ketchup is God's man juice
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
