My friends, they love my intelligence
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
