Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
