she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
