A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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