she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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